The Burnt Tears of Letting Go
by ArroW Snowflake
Summary: A mother's day special... the time is after Always...


The following is a Mother's Day special. Every girl who has lost a mother might have tried to write a letter or visit the cemetery to tell her mother how much she loved her. Kate Beckett is who she is because of her mother, Johanna Beckett, who is her strength and yet her weakness. I leave you with the story now, I hope you like it! I wrote the whole story in this chapter.

Please review and let me know what you thought of the story. Know that your mother is the one who defines who you are. So, love her and respect her and try from time to time to return to her, at least, half the love she gave you.

~Arrow*

* * *

"Kate, are you with me?" said Castle, wondering where her thoughts were.

"Kate!" he insisted to bringing her back to earth by touching her hand. She looked at him, breathed in and said "huh? Were you talking with me?" then she turned her eyes on his hand and withdrew hers. She closed her eyes for a second, breathed in, then turned at him and said "What were you asking me about?"

He smiled and said "I was wondering what to get for my mother for mother's day. Can you suggest anything?" He bit his lower lip, raised his eyebrows and waited for an answer while she was thinking about something for him. Kate looked him in the eye and said "How about an apartment? It is the best gift for the both of you."

"That's a genius idea… but it will cost me a fortune. Mother doesn't know the meaning of 'small'. So I have to start searching for a big apartment." He took his phone out of his jacket's pocket and called his personal assistant to find it for him. Meanwhile, Kate was thinking about her mother. Just when she was remembering how they both were like best friends, she turned to Rick who was calling her name again. He suggested that they go out for dinner that night but she said no. She was busy trying to figure out how to forget about her mother and yet be what she wants to be; a carefree person who looks forward to the future not back at the past. She turned to Castle and said: "I want to go get some air. I don't feel fine. I'll…"she paused then continued "see you here tonight, ok?" She, then, stood up and took her bag and a bottle of water and turned to Castle who offered to go walk with her. She refused and went out alone. She took out her car keys but she didn't feel like driving. She walked for two blocks then entered a supermarket to see if there was something there to buy. She walked then turned, walked and turned and after about 10 minutes, she felt cold and then figured out that she was standing in front of the cheese freezers. She thought that she needed to see an old friend of hers. She had an awkward and unexplainable feeling inside her that she couldn't find out what it was. Thus, she called the only man who helped her get well after she got shot 4 years ago, Dr. Carver Burke.

"Hello, Doctor Burke! I hope I'm not interrupting anything" She said.

"No, Kate. I just walked out of the restaurant. I had a long lunch break today."

"Oh, good" she replied then took a heavy breath in and then out.

"What's wrong? Can I help you with something?" He asked, thinking that she might be in some kind of trouble.

"I was just wondering, do you have an opening in your schedule today? I really need some help with something." She closed her eyes waiting for his reply.

"Yes, I do. I am free for 2 hours now. If you want, you can meet me in my office in half an hour, or you can just come to central park now and we can walk and talk in the same time."

Kate needed the walk and so, she said "I will meet you in the park in 10 minutes. I just need your guidance in something."

"Ok then. I will meet you there!" He said and hanged up.

Kate walked out of the supermarket, from which she just bought different kinds of fruit and chocolate bars, and then headed towards the street to take a cab to the park. She was feeling blue in that very moment when she stepped out of the cab. She didn't know what to say to the doctor because she couldn't even describe her feelings. As she was standing, she felt someone grabbing her hand and saying, "Kate?" She was happy to see him. There was something in him that made her say a lot of things and yet nothing.

"Hello, Doctor Burke!"

"Hello Kate! It's nice to see you again." He replied with a sad smile because he knew that she was in some sort of pain.

"I'm sorry for taking your time but I need you to explain what is wrong with me. I am well as you can see but I have this strange feeling inside that I cannot understand. I want to know what is happening to me. I woke up today when my dog stepped on the remote control of my TV on which there were a lot of people saying "I love you, mom" and then there was Castle asking what to buy for his mother and there was me!" She stopped to breathe then continued… "I don't want to feel like this. I want to be normal. I don't even know what this is that's happening to me. I think that I am lost. I miss my mother and every time that I felt alone today, I recall some of my best moments with her. She used to take me to this coffee shop when I was 10 and she used to get a coffee for her and a donut for me, saying that I will have enough time to drink coffee when I grow up. I can't drink coffee now as well; my doctor asked me to quit it for a while. I don't know what is wrong inside me but I know that it is hurting me, burning my heart and freezing my eyes and thoughts"

"You miss her a lot, don't you?" He said while watching her nod. She seemed so sad yet troubled. He didn't know what to say to calm her because Kate was moaning for the first time. What's in her made her softer. Dr. Burke looked her in the eye and said "Kate, You can get over this only when you allow yourself to get over it. Let Castle help you. Open up for him. He is the only one who could cross the wall you built around your mind, heart and soul."

A smile crossed her face and happiness was so obvious in her eyes. She told Dr. Burke that Castle asked her for dinner and that she wasn't sure if she would go but now… she will because of what he told her. She said: "I am very thankful to have you as a friend. Is there anything I can help you with? It's true that I quit my job but I still have my own connections."  
"In fact, I do!" he said. "I have a patient who has been arrested last night. I want you to help him get out. He is afraid of closed places and fears cops. The only thread they have on him is that he was covered with blood and was standing in the crime scene. He didn't have a gun on him."

"Who is the victim?" Kate said.  
"His mother"  
"In that case, you're the only one who can help him, Doctor. Go to the 12th precinct and tell them about your patient and his condition. I'm sure they will understand and they will release him but have him under surveillance. Tell them that I sent you there, ok?"  
"I will. Thank you!" He paused then continued: "Have you ever considered going beck?"  
"I don't think that I fit there anymore. You saw how soft I was. Gates need the old me and I won't allow that to happen. I am happy now. As you can see, I will be busy taking my wall down." She smiled then said goodbye and left. She didn't want to let Castle wait for her. She went to her apartment, took a warm shower, dressed herself in a fine evening dress then left to Castle's apartment.

Night came with its stars and moon and Kate was sad again. She was driving her car to a liquor store when she saw that same coffee shop where her mother used to take her. She parked her car there, went inside the shop and ordered some donuts. She spent 2 minutes there crying but she whipped her tears away when the waiter brought what she ordered. She took it then drove her car to the cemetery. She wasn't sure how she got there but it was for certain that she was in pain. She called Castle and told him that she misses her mother and that she wants to let everything go just the way she let go 3 years ago. Castle was worried about her. He paused for a minute, hearing her heavy breath then said "Do you remember when I asked you about what would you be if we were married young and your mother wasn't dead? Do you remember how happy you were when we acted like you were the writer and I was the cop? Try to write a letter to your mother. Make it your master piece and your sours of peace."

"But what will I do with it? I don't want a pain reminder, Castle. I want to feel safe and carefree." She gasped.  
"Then, after you finish writing the letter burn it to let it go to your mother" he said with confident words.

Kate accepted the idea and hang up without saying anything. She went out of the car and walked towards her mother's gravestone, carrying the donuts box and a pen with her. She started crying again when she read her mother's name. She sat there, opened the donuts box and started eating one. Then she took her pen and started writing her letter on the box. She wrote:

"Dear mother,

I'm writing this letter to let you know that I still love you. And I do. I miss you and I need you. It's true that I have Castle to look after me but ,mom, no one will ever replace you. You were the light that shone my way in life. I was, until today, lost without you. I am really sorry mom, but I have to let you go. I want you to watch over me while I tell my children about you in the future. It is my honour to have you as a mother but the way you died with... makes me weak and lost because I don't know why it happened. I will only let that part of you go. Know that I'll always have you in my heart… always. There are times I need to talk to you and you aren't there. I am left to figure out things for myself and it is so hard, especially now that I'm pregnant. I wish you could be here with me to help me through all of this. You are the one who always knew what to do or what to say. I am who I am because of you. You were my strength and you still are. I know you were with me every day for the past 17 years but I want you gone now. I want you to rest in peace because you deserve it. You are grand to me and to my children after me. I know for a fact that we will meet in Heaven. For now, I love you, Mom.

Happy mother's Day,

I will always love you."

The words she wrote had stars of tears on them. Kate lifted her head and saw a man beside her, crying on his mother's grave. She went there and asked him for fire. He was luckily a smoker who just quit smoking as a gift to his mother on mother's day because his mother died of lung cancer. Kate thanked him for the match and hoped that he gets over his mother's death soon, then left to burn the letter she wrote so that to send it to her mother. She left to Castle's apartment with a relieved heart and a smiling soul. Castle would be worried if he didn't see her that night.

After arriving to Castle's apartment, Kate saw Castle sitting on the floor in front of the apartment door. He stood up as soon as he saw her, hugged and kissed her then asked her in. Kate, who had Castle's arm around her, was surprised to see that Castle did prepare a table with candles and dinner on. As she was smiling in surprise, he got down on one knee and Kate said "No, Castle, I won't" without giving him a second even to breathe. He laughed and said, "Can you give me at least a minute to ask you my question?" She kneeled as well to look him in the eye and accepted to give him a minute to speak. Happiness and mystery were on Castle's face. He looked her in the eyes and said "Kate Beckett, will you move in with me?" He raised his eyebrows waiting for an answer. She laughed and said "Welcome, cliché Castle! I missed you. Now, give me a reason to say yes!"

Castle stood up and helped Kate to stand. He put his two palms on the sides of her lower jaw and narrowed the distance between their faces and said "Because you love me." He kissed her and she kissed back but she stopped and licked her lips and said "That's not enough". Knowing her like a book he wrote, Castle took her by the hand up to Alexis' room and asked her to breathe in. He turned on the lights of the room and there it was: a room for the baby, full of yellow stars, red hearts and Nikki Heat books. He said "I want us to raise the baby together and be happy. We have less than 4 weeks to have the baby here with us and have my mother out of here" Kate smiled and listened to Castle as he continued "I need you in my life because you make me a better man, a more responsible man. I raised Alexis alone and I don't want that to happen to our baby; the fruit of our love. Please say 'yes' because I don't know how much dust you will gather in your apartment while you sleep and clean our baby when you're here."  
"You loving me and being a better person with me are the reasons why you're asking me to move in?" Kate wondered.

"Yes and no. Besides the previous reasons, this is my gift to you for mother's day. It is our baby's gift to you on mother's day. Since the day I recorded his heartbeat, I am madly in love with him as I am with you. I don't want to see him only when you are free. I want to see him all the day with us in the living room and in a year, walking his first steps with us to hold him if he falls. I know what you have been through today and how sad you were about your mother's not being here… but I want you for me, for us. We are a family now. I want you to move in with me so that I kiss you every minute I think of you, to hold you whenever you feel a little alone in here, to cherish your life when we see the life we made together. Love is not just feelings, my love, and that's why you have another gift waiting for you but you have to accept this one first."

Having no words to utter, she grabbed Castle and kissed him. She said "I will move in but I want to keep my old apartment for my mother's case papers. I don't want them here."  
Happiness filled his heart. He smiled but stopped suddenly and said "I have one more request, would you stop calling me Castle?" Kate smiled and said "O.K. Richard, I will try."

"You sound like my mother! Can't you at least call me Rick?" He said with his eyebrows crossed.

"How about Rickey? It is Spanish and Sexy." She answered while laughing.

They both laughed so hard and held each other. Rick then turned to Kate and said, "Speaking of Spanish, I have two chicas here with three bad boys waiting for us outside. They are my gift for you for accepting to move in and for not calling me Castle." Kate was surprised and happy. They both went to the door while Rick opened it and Kate jumped into Lannie's arms who just said "girl, you are huge!" instead of greeting her with a simple "hi". Javi was carrying all the food that Rick ordered meanwhile Kevin entered with a big blue baby bag and Jenna was holding Jack; their son. They all were happy. They took little Jack to the baby room to watch him play with the toys. Rick was standing behind Kate, holding her with his arms around her belly. The others were playing with Jack on the floor and were smiling. The evening was fine and peaceful. Love had once more overcome death and sad memories and friends spiced up the night with their jokes and funny detective cases that Javi and Kevin worked on.

The End


End file.
